| Tuesday, September 06, 2005 |
| healthcare roulette |
Um, mommy, are you sure I'm ready for the big seat?
Yes, Lauren. My biceps have told me it's time.
Today was Lauren's first trip to the ENT, henceforth to be known as "the doctor that stole my baby's college fund" or ear, nose, and throat doc for the rest of you. Lauren has battled ear infection after ear infection since she was three months old. I think the running tally now is 7 or 8 infections. So, we were referred.
We started our doctor's visit by depositing a super stinky poonami in the trash receptacle of what appeared to be a not often used room, judging from the lack of paper towels and sign I saw in another room stating, "Please do not place soiled diapers in the trash. Please hand them to a nurse." Boy, gotta love that job...and whoever finds that poonami in 3-4 months.
After our nurse took pictures of Lauren's eardrums, we headed into a hearing test room. As she closed the doors, she instructed me to hold Lauren in my lap, but DO NOT give her clues during the test. I thought, "Are there parents so twisted by their competitive quest for the perfect child, that they would cheat during their child's hearing test." You bet.
Okay, so I didn't cheat. I giggled. Uncontrollably. The test began, and I heard a swoosh of the ocean to my right. A shadow box light came on, and the money inside started beating a drum. The light turned off, and the ocean sounds and monkey drummer boy repeated to my left. A small dog in a plexiglass box in front of us started barking and wagging his tail. This continued for a good minute. Lauren had to be wondering what the hell was going on, but she kept up, her little head jerking all over the place. Soon I heard, "Lauren, over here" from the speaker to my right. It was very odd and creepy. If Lauren doesn't have nightmares, I think I will.
Finally, the test was over. Either that, or the nurse was tired of me laughing during the test. Lauren did very well and passed. I, on the other hand, received a D minus.
We shuffled to the next room to wait for the ENT. I perused the coloring books while Lauren nibbled on a couple of crayonz. The doc arrived, looked in her ears, up her nose, and in her mouth. I was started to get worried he had found the poonami and wanted a look see in the sphincter region. It didn't get that far, as the doc had made the decision to go ahead with surgery. Lauren will be getting tubes in her ears next Tuesday.
The first thing I asked the doctor was how much the procedure cost. He looked a little shocked, as most parents probably don't ask this question. I, however, am a healthcare shopper. My company offered a new self-directed health care plan that is inexpensive, but relies on one important little thing: healthy family members. After I use up a $2000 "healthcare account," I pay a huge deductible. As in, I don't pay that much for my mortgage each month. And what do you know? The procedure costs exactly the amount of my deductible. Nice.
But it doesn't matter. I knew it was coming. These ear infections are the devil. The last one was accompanied by the devil's lair, as revealed in the 103 degree fever she had. If the ear infections stop, it's worth a thousand mortgage payments. Piece of mind and a mother's fears calmed are priceless. |
| posted by ieatcrayonz @ 9/06/2005 |
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